My Feelings Can Wait

Chapter 128

Ji Youyan's smile was too rippling, and Jing Xiu felt a little soft-hearted when she heard her hearty laughter, but she couldn't hold back her face, she still kept her face solemn, turned her body a little sideways, and warned Ji Youyan with her eyes.

Ji Youyan teased Jing Xiu with experience, and he knew how to accept it when he was good.When she received the dangerous information, her laughter stopped, and she immediately pursed her lips to hold back her laughter. A handsome and delicate face showed a sense of humorous stupidity.

Jing Xiu's cold face couldn't hold back anymore, she turned back silently, with her back to Ji Yuyan, the corners of her lips curled up secretly.

Ji Youyan sat up straight, pulled out the towel hanging around Jing Xiu's neck, and while helping Jing Xiu wipe her wet hair, he coaxed Jing Xiu: "Ah Xiu, don't be angry, because it's too cute, so I can't help it Want to laugh."

She knew that Jing Xiu wasn't really angry, but she was still willing to cooperate with Jing Xiu's occasional coquettish disguise: "Besides, although I laughed loudly, I have already been punished, haven't I?"

Jing Xiu let her wipe, scroll the mouse, browse other Weibo in Chaohua, and asked calmly: "What punishment did you get?"

Ji Yuyan sighed and said miserable: "Hey, you don't know, since I was rejected for joining the group last time, I have worked hard to sign in Chaohua for a long time. But the tone of your reply just now was a bit fierce, and my Weibo has all It’s related to your repost, I might be beaten as a prickly ball for stalking CP. The host will probably lock me into a small black room soon.”

"The family has worked hard for a long time."

Her tone was pitiful, and Jing Xiu was amused by her, pretending to be indifferent and said: "That's just right..." Before she finished speaking, she glanced at a Weibo from the corner of her eye, lowered her eyebrows, and spoke abruptly And stop.

Weibo is a more experienced CP fan reminding other CP fans in Chaohua: "I just saw someone posting about the fan position dispute. I know everyone is wronged by YY, but it is very difficult to discuss in Chaohua. It’s easy to be hated and say that we have crooked buttocks, so everyone should be cautious in words and deeds, and eat sweets in silence. If you are interested, join the anti-mafia group, there is a shortage of manpower there.”

The battle for position... She went to take a shower after she came back, and she hasn't read the news on the Internet yet.However, after the opening press conference, she contacted Jiang Chun, asked her to pay attention to the dynamics, control the wind direction, and also asked her to contact the staff placed in the support club, so as to prevent the balls from being attacked with rhythm, Jiang Chun Didn't do it well?

Ji Youyan didn't wait for the second half of Jing Xiu's sentence, so he stopped wiping and poked his head to see what Jing Xiu was looking at.

Her eyes fell on the weibo post in the center of the screen, and she saw Jing Xiu's face sinking like water, her heart softened and softened.

She knew that Jing Xiu was feeling sorry for her and was unhappy about it.

She stretched out her arms, covered Jing Xiu's catkin with her right hand, and slid the mouse with her hand to close the Weibo page. "Ah Xiu, you know, I'm actually very happy to be on stage with you today." She rested her chin on Jing Xiu's shoulder.

Jing Xiu suppressed his low pressure, tilted his head slightly, rubbed his cheek against the hair next to Ji Youyan's ear, and answered her question: "Why?"

"Because standing next to you like today, standing at a place infinitely close to your height, I have dreamed for a long time." Ji Youyan said in a low voice.She bit her lip, opened her mouth, and said frankly: "Ah Xiu, there is something that I have never dared to tell you before. At that time, I felt that I was a particularly despicable person."

Jing Xiu was surprised that Ji Youyan used such serious words to himself.She frowned, turned around and looked at Ji Yuyan, her clear eyes were filled with reflections of Ji Yuyan.

Ji Youyan slightly bent his lips, and raised his hand to caress Jing Xiu's picturesque eyebrows.Her voice was almost imperceptibly lonely, "For a while, I even felt that such a filthy me was not worthy to enter your eyes, defile you, and blaspheme you."

"Yanyan..." Jing Xiu interrupted her disapprovingly.

Ji Youyan tapped the tip of Jing Xiu's nose with the tip of her nose, stopped her and said, "Ah Xiu, let me finish."

Jing Xiu's throat moved, and she lowered her long eyelashes in acquiescence.

"Do you remember, when you first accepted the filming, I didn't have a job, and I was always by your side. At the premiere promotional meeting, I wanted to witness all your firsts, so I went with you. At that time you stood On the stage, I mingled with the fans in the audience. I watched you chat with other seniors in a grand manner on the stage, and heard the fanatic support and pursuit of you from the fans. I am sincerely proud of you and for you. you are happy."

"I remember." Jing Xiu responded softly.

At that time, they had just finished the game, and everyone almost had an instinctive prejudice against the draft-born traffic, and the public generally defined her as a vase.As a result, as soon as she debuted, she accepted a big production from a famous director, which aroused the jealousy of others. Since the official announcement, the voices of mocking and abusing her have never stopped.She always thought that she was a person with a good psychological quality and a strong ability to withstand stress, but at that time, she also gradually understood the feeling of insomnia.She gritted her teeth and tried her best to play this role well. She entered the group two months in advance, worked from dawn to dusk, scrambled, and followed Wu Xing to train and play.

Those were the hardest days in her 21 years of life at that time, and also, the happiest days, because she was accompanied by Ji Yoo-yeon, who understood her - asking about her health and relying on each other.So much so that when she recalled the many years of drifting away from Ji Youyan, she even felt that if she gave up everything and could go back to that time, she would be happy.

But Ji Yuyan said, "But there seemed to be such an inadvertent moment at that time, I seemed to be cut off from the hustle and bustle. I was a little panicked, and I felt that you on the stage seemed a little far away from me. Sitting off the stage was ordinary and penniless What's the difference between me and those fans who look up to you but can't touch you, or will there be no difference one day?"

"It seems that from that moment on, my desire for success became urgent. I was afraid of being left behind by you, and I was eager to catch up with you and stand by your side." Her tone was a little distant , but very calm, like an outsider looking at the past objectively, "Although I don't want to admit it, people are really different. No matter how hard I try, I can't catch up with you. So Fear and unwillingness torment me day by day, but there is nothing I can do, I can only stand there and watch you fly higher and higher and get farther and farther away from me."

In the first 20 years of her life, she went smoothly and radiantly, playing a role that attracted the attention of others.But after entering the entertainment circle, she slowly realized how small, even, how mediocre she was.In order to make her obedient, Wang Junchan implemented a psychological suppression strategy on her, deliberately hitting her self-confidence again and again, obliterating her recognition of herself, and forcing her to admit a little bit, she can't, she can't, she has to follow her You can only get ahead if you plan to go - without traffic, she is nothing.

"Until one day, when I was standing in front of the computer and saw you standing on the high stage again in the live broadcast and winning the big prize, I suddenly realized that I couldn't be completely happy for you. I even had a fleeting thought, if ... If you succeed, you can slow down, if... if you can wait for me a little longer." Her calm voice had slight fluctuations, and it was tainted with pain that made Jing Xiu feel distressed.

Jing Xiu's throat tightened.Except for love, she has never tried the taste of failure in her life, so when she was young at that time, she never considered Ji Yuyan's suffering from this angle.At first she indulged in Ji Youyan's considerate tenderness, but later, she got entangled in Ji Youyan's indifferent attitude.It wasn't her fault that she walked too fast, but as a lover, she didn't notice Ji Yuyan's emotions and didn't give Ji Yuyan a sense of security. She was responsible.

She felt sore in her heart, put her forehead against Ji Yuyan's forehead, and apologized: "I'm sorry, I... I didn't notice."

Ji Youyan watched her touching her forehead affectionately, and shook her head, "It's not your fault, it's because I hid it so well that you didn't dare to find out."

"It was the moment when I came back to my senses, I suddenly felt that I had become so scary. I actually knew that I became eager for quick success and quick benefits, but I didn't know when I had become unrecognizable. Even the one who loved me so much I actually have feelings of jealousy and reluctance for human achievements. I feel like a dark monster. How dare I let you discover the self that I despise and cannot accept, how dare I expect you to accept it? "

She hates that kind of self, but she can't control her emotions, she has become that kind of self.Afraid of losing Jing Xiu, she could only continue to pretend and pursue utilitarianism, but the more she pretended and chased, the more she seemed to push Jing Xiu further and further away.In a vicious cycle, she is like a trapped animal in a swamp, unable to struggle, she can only watch herself being drowned and suffocated little by little.

What was once so difficult to say, now, she can finally say it with a smile.She accepted that self and made peace with the old self.

It was Jing Xiu who gave her confidence.

She believed it, believed that there was a person in this world who truly loved her, the complete, real and imperfect her.

Sure enough, Jing Xiu lightly raised her eyelashes, and answered her solemnly: "I can."

She said: "Yanyan, after so many years of working in the industry, we have played all kinds of characters and entered the hearts of many characters. Don't we still understand that human nature is complicated, and emotions and desires are inevitable. Dare to say that I have never had dark thoughts. These are just normal human emotions, why ask for full blame?"

She kissed Ji Yuyan's thin lips lightly, and whispered: "I know, I'm in love with a person, not a god."

Ji Yuyan looked into her forgiving and gentle eyes, his heart was so full that something was about to overflow.She circled Jing Xiu's waist tightly, feeling Jing Xiu's silent connivance, and slowly curled the corners of her lips to tease herself, "I know I was wrong. I don't know where I got the idol burden at that time. Maybe it was Because I'm in a relationship with you, I mistakenly think I'm the same as you."

"Huh?" Jing Xiu asked in a muffled voice on her neck.

Ji Youyan's tone was light but serious, as if sighing from the bottom of his heart: "You are a god."

"My Goddess."

Jing Xiu's heartstrings were twitched, and there were thousands of words lingering in his mouth, but he couldn't say it all at once, so he could only pretend to calmly annoy her: "Smart words."

Ji Youyan smiled lowly, not annoyed.Feeling so emotional, she unconsciously put her hand into Jing Xiu's clothes, and invited Jing Xiu ambiguously: "How about using actions?"

The pores on Jing Xiu's waist were trembling, but he still grabbed Ji Yuyan's hand, and said rationally: "We have agreed before. Work starts today, and there will be a play tomorrow."

Ji Youyan knew that Jing Xiu was serious about her work, so she didn't force her to do so, so she obediently withdrew her hand, but reluctantly lay on Jing Xiu's neck, feeling the heat of her skin, wishing for plums to quench her thirst.After a while, she calmed down, raised her head and thoughtfully said, "Okay, then let's go to bed early tonight. I'll get a hair dryer to help you dry your hair."

Jing Xiu let out a "hmm", stood up and sat on another chair.

As soon as Ji Youyan walked to the door, Lin Yue called her from a distance: "Sister Ji, the phone in your room seems to be ringing."

Jing Xiu remembered something, took the mobile phone aside and sent Jiang Chun a message.She sat alone in the study, and what Ji Yuyan said just now echoed in her ears.Time has passed, and looking back at the past, she understands more and more that what they missed in the past was a fault caused by each other, as if it was a kind of destiny.

She didn't realize it when she acted "Sunflowers in the Night" for the first time, but thinking about it now, they are similar to Shen Yu and Qiao Yue to a certain extent - they both think that each other is the bright sun in the sky, and she is the plant facing the sun. Born sunflowers.

Longing is the feeling farthest from understanding. [1]

Jing Xiu took out the pen and sticky note, and the pen wandered around, writing two lines on the sticky note.She wanted to clip this note into Ji Yuyan's daily notebook, but she couldn't find it on the desktop.

She opened the drawer under the desk, and the notebook was put inside.Picking up the notebook, there are two books under it. At a glance, you can tell that it is related to Buddhism.

Jing Xiu was slightly stunned, and subconsciously picked up the two books, and unexpectedly saw a lifelike portrait of Daokong at the bottom.Her eyes fluttered, and she sighed helplessly.

It's no surprise that Yanyan can't be free from burdens after knowing the truth.If doing these things would make her feel better, she had no intention of stopping it.

Not hiding in a place that is hard to find means that Yan Yan did not intend to deliberately conceal her anxiety, so she did not intend to conceal what she knew and understood.

Unspoken.

Jing Xiu pressed the sticky note between the portrait and the book.

On the note, she wrote a line in Chinese: There is love and desire, love and hate, and can't be godly.

In another line, I felt too ashamed to write Jingxiu in Chinese and French, and finally wrote it in English as a compromise:

Notyourangel, butyourgirl.

The author has something to say: [1] From "Death" Aizen Soyousuke

English level 0, I don't know if the last sentence is translated correctly, the original meaning is: not a goddess, but your woman.

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